It is almost universal that everyone goes through a fractious relationship between parents and children at some point in their lives. There may be other, more insidious patterns in the tensions associated with rules and discipline. Kati Morton, a YouTuber, and licensed family therapist, share some signs of toxic parenting.
Do You Know What I’ve Done For You?
The purpose of this is to make a child feel guilty or burdened. Most of the time, this is just a deflection of their frustration.
Morton says, “The reality is that our parents’ decision to have us is somehow our fault and has caused us to be indebted to them.”
There’s Nothing Good About You
Hearing this can be “devastating” to a child who develops their sense of self from their first relationship with their primary caregiver. It might even lead to anxiety or depression, according to Morton.
A Lack Of Privacy
Reading your child’s diary or checking their phone is often a sign of helicopter parenting, in which a parent closely monitors all aspects of their child’s life. It is common for parents to assume that if a child requests privacy, something is wrong.
Taking Advantage Of The Child
Narcissistic parents might want their child to follow in their footsteps or pursue a dream they couldn’t and see the child as an extension of themselves.
Morton says, “This kind of thinking and acting doesn’t involve free will. It means that our value and their love are conditional and tied directly to us doing what they want.”
They Don’t Apologize For Anything
Morton explains that parents aren’t perfect and will make mistakes-it’s essential to demonstrate that when we do something wrong, we can own up to it.
She says, ” By apologizing, we’re teaching our children how to handle conflict healthily. Additionally, apologizing to a child makes them aware of their self-worth and value.”